


Lifeboat

by lilacnightmares



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Loss, Post-secret ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 00:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacnightmares/pseuds/lilacnightmares
Summary: Grief is a messy thing and Jumin Han is lost within the stormy seas of loss and disrepair. It feels like he may never have a chance to feel anything but that pain again, always holding himself together for the sake of others. At least, until someone comes to show him that he doesn't have to be alone.Work from Tumblr.
Relationships: Han Jumin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Lifeboat

Jumin was torn. 

That is to say, his heart had been broken for a very long time, and nothing was ever going to put those pieces back together in the way that they had been before it happened. 

It was something that couldn’t be stopped once it’d been set into motion and no matter how times that he had thought about how V could have asked for help—

He came up with the same dead-end every time. His best friend had borne the burden of his actions every step of the way because he felt like he had to do that. He must have felt like asking for help from anyone would run the risk of hurting not only the boys that he promised to protect but everyone else that he had come to know and care for. 

V, no, Jihyun Kim, had decided that he was going to walk the valley of shadows on his own. Every step of the way. He lied to protect not only the twins but Rika as well. The shame of his mistakes, no matter how they had been created, be it from an accident or by circumstance were out of pocket.

It was hard to understand the scope of his actions. 

Jumin took hours pouring through the notes and what he could find of his friend, but no amount of searching explained anything to him. He just hit the same wall over and over and over again. Every time he felt like he had figured something out, another secret came from the darkness and he was thrown for a loop once again. 

It felt like no matter how hard he searched for answers, Jihyun had taken them to his grave and that was going to be all he would ever have. All he had was a solitary gravesite and the many, many unanswered questions that would linger on his mind for the rest of his life. Jumin thought that he did know his best friend but as it turned out, he didn’t truly know him at all. 

That stung in ways that he thought it never would, but Jumin did not allow the world to see that pain that weighed on him. He decided to bottle it all away and replace it with wine. That was the only vice he had to drown away his suffering that had dug its trenches into his skin so deep that it would likely never leave his body. 

Nevertheless, even though his evenings were wrought with stress and unease, he did his best to do the right thing for Jihyun and his wishes. He couldn’t say that he truly knew the extent of what Jihyun might have wanted but he could guess given the information that was left behind on his phone and in his home. 

Jihyun had been trying to protect those twins. 

His mistakes and Rika’s destruction ripped apart the chance that anyone could’ve had to help those boys be protected instead of ripped to shreds in a few moments. As much as it pained him, Jihyun would’ve wanted the boys to be protected, even though his life had been taken by one of the twins, traumatized and manipulated by Rika’s abuse. 

Jumin did everything he could to ensure that they were protected, trying to hide them away from any chance that the Prime Minister could find them. It was a mess, though. Saeran was utterly traumatized and needed intensive care, and the assistant he had that had failed to stop him from firing the gun was just as lost as he was. Neither of them was cooperative. 

The girl lashed out and the boy glowered at everyone. They were okay when they were together but if they were pulled apart? It didn’t bode well for anyone. So, the hospital kept them together as much as possible if only to stop them from destroying things. Saeyoung had tried his best back then but it was difficult for him. 

It made an extra hassle in the hospital back when there was nothing they could do to stop the press from trying to figure out more about the cult that had been dismantled and the people that had been freed from its walls. It grew to the point that he wouldn’t be able to cover for them no matter how much he wanted to. 

Saeyoung stepped in and whisked those two from the hospital without asking and without letting them know what he was doing. It made for an even bigger mess… and he had to cover up everything for their safety. He managed to take care of everything but Saeyoung was lucky that Jumin’s company owned the hospital. Jumin was at his wits end back then. 

But, he did it because Jihyun would’ve wanted to protect them. He cared for Saeyoung but he… had strained feelings about Saeran. He didn’t blame the boy, though. There were a lot more problems at play than what happened on that final day. It had a lot more to do with multiple factors that couldn’t lay the blame at one single person’s feet. 

After that mess, Jumin had to take the time to help the people that had been hurt thanks to Rika’s creation of that damned cult. He made sure that people were connected to their families, most of the people involved were runaways and missing person’s cases, and it drew a bitter taste to his mouth. As it turned out, she had been embezzling the money meant for charity at the parties they held. 

None of the money was going to any donation centers. It had all been a lie, sure, she covered her tracks by donating a little bit of money here and there, but apart from that? It all went into Mint Eye. Jumin didn’t even know where to begin learning how she crafted the damn thing, and she wouldn’t talk about it to any of them. 

The shock of… what happened to Jihyun left her completely catatonic and mute. 

But, she was in medical treatment as they sorted out how to deal with her trial and the proceedings. He had nothing else to say about her or to her. Jumin would play his role in clearing up that piece when it was time, but it had nearly been two years since the collapse of everything that he thought he ever knew about his friends. 

His faith in the world and the people around him had been shattered to such a degree that he didn’t know how to cope anymore. He hardly spoke on the messenger anymore, just committed himself to his work and nothing more. His days were a blur of working long hours and then returning home to this quiet penthouse where no one but Elizabeth was waiting for him. 

It felt like he had no one left to turn to. Jihyun had always been there for him, but no amount of sitting at his memorial was ever going to amount to the same feeling as being next to him. He couldn’t turn to the rest of the RFA as they were getting their lives in order. 

Jaehee had left her job as his chief assistant exactly one year ago to open a cafe with one of Saeyoung’s partners, Minji, to be exact. Saeyoung was currently an independent contractor for C&R but hardly communicated with him directly. Their partner, Judas, was an enigma but he was working with them. That left Saeran and Lila, who kept to themselves and away from everyone. 

Yoosung had found that he needed a serious change in his studies after the truth was revealed to him, and was studying abroad currently. Zen was working on a musical tour as his latest role was taking him across the country. Each member of the RFA, involved or not, was trying to make sense of their lives now and trying to start over after everything that had occurred. 

But, as for Jumin? 

He was left behind with only his memories to keep him company. At least, that’s what he thought. It was different tonight. When he came home, he was surprised to see that a visitor was waiting at the gate for him. It was Viola. Viola had… become a small staple in Jihyun’s life during those last few months before his demise. 

She was a kind woman, always looking out for others and trying to tend to them when they needed someone to be there for them. 

She had tried to be there for Jihyun, but she had come at the wrong time to truly be accepted into his heart. When he died, a small part of her must have died alongside Jihyun, but he could say the same thing. She stayed there with the RFA, supporting everyone as best she could every step of the way if they would allow her help. 

Jumin had always kept her… at arm’s length, gently thanking her for her meticulous care, but always feeling that his being around her would open up her feelings of Jihyun and that time passed. She was a smart woman, though, and always knew when to press his buttons and tell him that he needed to take care of himself. 

Even though they spoke off and on, she always dropped off her homemade food to make sure that he had something made with care. He would always wind up having that, rather than the meals that he was accustomed to. The taste of luxury just didn’t sit well in his gut, frankly. He hadn’t been expecting her to drop by without calling, though. 

He buzzed her through the gate and she came upstairs to meet with him. She’d seen better days, her hair was curled into a messy up-do bun, and the long sweater she was wearing looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while. She offered him a weak smile as she took a spot on the couch next to Elizabeth, the cat resting against her lap. 

Viola likely could say the same for him, his hair was ragged from having run his hands through it, and the robe he was wearing required some care. “You look worse for wear, my friend,” she said, eyes watching him as he sat down across from her on the other couch. “You haven’t started drinking with no company tonight, have you?”

Jumin shook his head. “I just arrived home, Viola. I haven’t had the time to detox from the day as it was. I assume you came over with business to attend to, or perhaps you simply wanted to join me for dinner?” 

Viola dug through her bag for a moment and procured a bottle of wine. It appeared to be an adequate brand, likely one that she had found laying home in her apartment. She did not drink quite as much as he did. It was better for her, honestly. Jumin was well aware his habits were not ideal for him, but it was all he had to cope with. 

“It’s one of those days, Jumin. Would you care to share a drink with tonight?” she asked. 

“It’s been… some time since I’ve enjoyed a glass with anyone,” he said. 

It went without saying when the last he had company with another to drink with. It had been with Jihyun, specifically. That time was long gone from the present but he wouldn’t deny the company of her tender touch. 

Her warmth wasn’t something that he wanted to push away, even if his ability to be able to share his most intimate thoughts was broken.

Viola was always very understanding and empathetic. 

She never rushed anyone to talk about their problems and always stayed firm with the idea that they would take their road to get to where they needed to be in the future. But, her coming to him tonight to drink? It meant that she was having difficulties dealing with those memories of the man that she thought she would have the chance to love forever. 

It didn’t take long for the two of them to open that bottle and lose themselves to the faintest taste of soft berries. It was bitter and sweet at the same time, a flavor that he hadn’t had before. It was a lot like the memories in his heart. There were times when he wanted to remember and times when he wanted to forget. 

“I don’t want to drink to forget,” she said, softly. “But, thinking of him and those chances that were lost… it’s hard, Jumin. I don’t have anyone to talk to about him that understands. I don’t want to be a burden on you because I know you’re still trying to deal with your loss. You knew him far longer than I did so your pain is…” 

“It doesn’t discount what you felt for him,” Jumin said. He was carefully watching the way that Viola’s hand coaxed Elizabeth’s fur. “I know you loved him. I cared for him greatly, even with the mistakes he made. There’s no bringing him back, though. I can’t drink to forget because I know the bottom of the bottle doesn’t hold my answers.” 

“You drink to tolerate the feeling of isolation,” she said, almost as if she had struck the nail on its head. It was the reason. “Jumin, I wish you would call me more. I know neither of us can handle talking all the time but… you don’t have to avoid everyone. When I checked the messenger, I found out that I’m the only one you still speak to regularly.” 

“...They don’t understand.” 

They couldn’t understand the depth of that pain. 

“Jumin, they want to understand. They want to be there for you, but only if you’re ready for them to be there for you. I hate seeing you suffer like this. You’ve always been kind to me and you’ve always had the best interest of your loved ones in mind, but when it comes to yourself… you don’t do nearly as much as you should.” 

It ached. 

“There’s just so much, Viola… there’s just so much hurt all the time. Does it feel this way for you, as well? Do you feel the hole in your heart whenever you try to make sense of life and its purpose? The very meaning? I don’t believe I ever pondered the intricacies myself until I found myself alone.”

His heart ached. Everyone had spent so long calling him an unfeeling monster when in reality, he was bottling up that pain for the sake of everyone else. He had never been able to show his emotions to anyone before. 

Not even Jihyun had seen him cry and Jihyun had been there with him since they were young boys. It was difficult to hold the weight of the RFA and C&R on his shoulders. 

Jumin sucked in a breath and felt himself staring at the ground. But, he had been doing this for such a long that he didn’t know how to turn it off. He didn’t know how to stop pretending to be a man who hid behind a mask.

Maybe it had something to do with the wine helping him open up and talk, but Viola was another reason why he felt like he could try. She was simply understanding to anyone’s pain. He knew that he could trust her to keep whatever he said locked tightly away where no one he didn’t want to see it could find it. 

Hands pressed firmly against his shoulders and he lifted his head. Viola was staring at him with a strange sense of gentleness in her gaze. 

She smiled at him, however small it was, it was a smile that he felt like he could trust. Her eyes had the tinge of tears, though. “Jumin, it’s okay to cry. I know it hurts. It hurts me every day and I have to cry sometimes, but if you need to cry, please, don’t hold it in. You have the right to cry about this. I know that Jihyun wouldn’t want you to pretend you aren’t hurting.” 

And for some reason, he felt like he could have faith in her words. He didn’t know he wanted to listen to her but he felt the warmth of her hands and the kindness she bore for him and all he wanted to do was believe in her promise. He could feel those tears welling up at the corner of his vision. 

With a short ragged breath, he finally let himself cry for the first time. And for the very first time, he let someone embrace him and hold him tightly as the walls of his self-imposed cage crashed down around him. Jumin could not say for sure what it was he felt at that moment but it was a release and a release that he needed more than anything. 

Viola’s hands smoothed out his hair and the faintest sound of her humming told him that it was going to be okay. They were two lonely ships in a stormy sea that crossed each other in the dead of night, and as long as they stayed close to one another, they would be able to weather this storm that lay in front of them. 


End file.
